My Walk Through the Book of Matthew by Annette Godtland

Marriage and Divorce (Matthew 19:1-10)

1Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.

3The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"

4And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning "made them male and female,' 5and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

7They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"

8He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

10His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."

Why did this subject come up again? Why did Matthew include it again? Why is it included here?

Back in Matthew 5:31-32, Jesus said, "Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

Both these verses seem to be giving the same lesson on marriage and divorce. But when you look at the text before them, these lessons are given after different topics. The first time was after Jesus explained adultery in the heart. This time it is as the Pharisees are testing Him and after Jesus explained the importance of not letting yourself into sin or causing others to sin, how many times you must forgive another, what you do when someone sins against you, and that what you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and what you loose will be loosed in heaven. These are all topics which enter into a marriage relationship.

Every time I have found this statement of Jesus' that one who divorces and marries another is committing adultery, and one who marries a divorced person commits adultery, my discussion afterwards makes it very clear that I have a tough time with this topic. I struggle to find something in the Bible to tell me that there are cases when a divorce is OK. I have many friends who are divorced and remarried. I know we all make mistakes in our imperfect hearts. I know God's ability to forgive. But it says what God has joined, let no man separate. Are all marriages joined by God? We ask God for many things which we do not get. When we ask God to bless our marriage on our wedding day, do we always get the blessing, joining, that marriage was meant to be from the beginning?

I agree with the Bible that a marriage joined by God is such a blessed thing. When a man and wife are joined in their hearts, yes, it would be adultery if someone gave them a divorce certificate and either of them remarried. Is Jesus' response here just in reply to their test of whether or not it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason. No, it's not lawful, at least not for just any reason.

They thought they had Jesus stumped then when they were able to follow up with Moses' command that they could just give a certificate of divorce. A footnote in my Bible said that Moses' certificate of divorce was intended to make it more difficult for someone to divorce his wife, so he wouldn't be able to simply abandon her. This was done for her protection.

But the interesting part of Jesus' answer was when He said that Moses did this because of the hardness of their hearts. Marriage was not intended to be this way, but their hard hearts made marriages not work, and the ability to divorce a necessity. I wonder if the hardness of their hearts didn't just not allow their marriages to work, but also allowed them to enter the marriage too lightly. Maybe their hard hearts paired them up with someone they never should have married in the first place. Maybe their hard hearts prevented them from meeting the one God wanted them to marry. Maybe their hard hearts prevented God from making their marriage the joining that marriage was intended to be since the beginning of time. With their hard hearts, marriages weren't what they were intended to be, so God had Moses command them that they could give a certificate of divorce.

I think that what Jesus is talking about here is the validity of a divorce that is simply the processing of a paper, a divorce certificate. Again, back in Matthew 5:31-32 when Jesus talks about divorce and adultery, it is right after talking about adultery in the heart. When Jesus says a divorced person commits adultery when remarried, I think He is referring to one who had been joined in the heart. The certificate itself means nothing when it is a marriage truly joined by God in their hearts.

I don't think it is simply coincidence that this topic is placed right after the discussion of offenses and forgiveness. Dealing with marriage problems should take the same process as other problems discussed above. It is important that you do everything you can to not sin. It is important that you do not cause another, including your spouse to sin. First try to work it out between the two of you. If that fails, seek outside help, a witness who can listen to you objectively, to help you work things out, possibly a marriage counselor of some sort. If that fails, seek the church. Jesus will be in the midst of two or more gathered in His name. He will guide the decision process. And if the church is in agreement, then it will be granted. Even a divorce? Jesus said that what is bound by us will be bound in heaven and what is loosed by us will be loosed in heaven. I can only believe that this would apply to a divorce too, that a marriage can be bound by the church in the wedding, and loosed by the church in a divorce. But this is only my assumption. I do not know for sure. Regardless, it is imperative that it isn't just a divorce certificate issued on a whim, but the results of a process of trying to resolve the problem. Jesus gave us this process to help us. And He remains in the midst of it.

I have to laugh when I read the disciples' reaction that if it is so difficult to leave a marriage that maybe it would be better to not marry. Somehow, they missed the point of the two becoming one flesh. Yes, each was one flesh before marriage, but the two together as one flesh is a more complete whole. God intended this for man from the beginning. Would they really want to miss out on one of the beautiful things God intended for them simply because some things are difficult? Sure, not everyone will marry, but it is a union for which we were designed.

But they also at least got the point that if they are worried about not being able to divorce someone, maybe they should not marry that person. Deciding to marry should also go through the same steps as other problem resolving. Discover together, have witnesses help you to see things objectively, seek the church. What is bound by us will be bound in heaven. And what better confirmation of the decision of marriage than by a gathering in Jesus' name all approving of the union. From the start of the marriage, you should be seeking the joining that God talks of for how a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh. For that is what God intended from the beginning.

Am I way off base with this discussion? Maybe. It still states very clearly that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. Maybe Jesus really meant that divorce will only be allowed by God in the case of sexual immorality. But I have a tough time with that. I hope there is more freedom of interpretation of this line when taken in the context of the surrounding teaching. But if I find too many more direct statements against divorce and not enough supporting my other thoughts, I may need to change my views on divorce. I pray that God helps me to find answers.